because I had beaten Afanasy the evening before! It all rose before
my mind, it all was as it were repeated over again; he stood before
me and I was beating him
straight on the face and he was holding his arms stiffly down, his
head erect, his
eyes fixed upon me as though on parade. He staggered
at every blow and
did not even dare to raise his hands to protect himself. That is what
a man has been brought to, and that was a man beating a fellow
creature! What a crime! It was as though a sharp dagger
had pierced me right through. I stood as if I were struck dumb, while
the sun was shining, the leaves were rejoicing and the birds were
trilling the praise
of God.... I hid my face in my hands, fell on my bed and broke into a
storm of tears. And then I remembered my brother
Markel and what he said on his death-bed to his servants: "My dear
ones, why do you wait on me, why do you love me, am I worth your
waiting on me?" "Yes, am I worth it?" flashed through my mind. "After
all what am I worth, that another man, a fellow creature, made in the
likeness and image of God, should serve me?" For the first time in my
life this question forced itself upon me.
He had said, "Mother